How to set up a family safe word against scam calls

What a safe word is, and who recommends one

A family safe word is a word or short phrase that you and the people closest to you agree in advance. If one of them rings or messages out of the blue asking for money or urgent help, you ask for the word before you do anything else. Your daughter or your oldest friend can give it; a stranger with a spoofed number or a cloned voice cannot.

The official name is ‘safe phrase’. The government’s Stop! Think Fraud campaign says to agree one with close friends and family, never share it outside that group, and hang up immediately if someone claiming to be a relative or friend can’t tell you it. Age UK says the same, ‘a word only you know’, never shared by text or online. Police Scotland suggests code words with loved ones for real emergencies, and Which? (7 August 2026) recommends a password among family and friends, or a question only they could answer. Starling Bank’s ‘Safe Phrases’ campaign (18 September 2024) warned that a voice can be cloned from as little as three seconds of audio: a capability warning rather than a UK statistic, but the reason a familiar voice is no longer proof of who is speaking.

If you arrived from the headline “Daughter urges families to pick code word after ‘craziest call of her life’” (The Mirror, 1 September 2026), this is the calm version.

How to set one up in ten minutes

Pick the circle. Your household, plus anyone who might ring you in a crisis: adult children, parents, grandparents, a sibling, a close friend. Keep it small: Stop! Think Fraud says the phrase never goes outside that group.

Agree it face to face, or on a call you started. Age UK’s advice is never to share it by text or online, which rules out the family WhatsApp group too. If you can’t be in the same room, ring them yourself and agree it on that call.

Agree the rule as well as the word. Anyone can ask for it at any time, and nobody is offended by being asked. Say it aloud once, then stop saying it.

Practise it once. Ring your mum next week and ask her for it, so it comes naturally when it matters. If you keep a household file like The Family File, note who is in the circle and the date you agreed it, and keep the word itself out of it.

Choosing a word that works

The test is simple: could someone who has read your social media or an old email guess it? So not a pet’s name, a street you have lived on, a maiden name, a football team or a child’s school. Keep it different from any of your passwords, and easy to remember, because you will be asked for it under stress.

Two ordinary words with nothing to do with each other work well, as does a phrase from a family joke that was never written down.

Don’t write it down by the phone, on the fridge or in a notes app. Our free Family Safe Word Card sits by the phone and deliberately has no line for the word: it carries the checks to make before you send anyone money and the numbers to call if something feels wrong. The word stays in your heads.

When to ask for it

Ask whenever an unexpected call or message wants money, card details or ‘urgent help’ of any kind. Ask even if the voice sounds exactly right and the screen shows a name you know. Stop! Think Fraud is explicit that fraudsters can spoof numbers, so caller ID is not proof, and Surrey’s Police and Crime Commissioner warns a call can appear to come from a family member’s own number.

One familiar shape is the ‘Hi Mum’ message: a new number, a broken phone, a bill that must be paid today. Take Five says to speak to the person directly first, and Stop! Think Fraud says to check using contact details you already know. A safe word gives you a quick, unembarrassing way to do that: ‘Of course, love. What’s our word?’

If the caller can’t give it, or pushes you to skip it

Hang up. Stop! Think Fraud’s wording is ‘hang up immediately’, and Ofcom’s guidance is that it is always safe to put the phone down.

Expect pressure. ‘There’s no time.’ ‘I’m on a friend’s phone.’ ‘Please don’t tell Dad.’ Ofcom says genuine callers will not pressure you to act immediately or ask you to keep a call secret.

Then make the call that settles it: ring the person back on the number you already have for them. Age UK and Police Scotland both give that advice, and Take Five says to speak to the person directly before doing anything. A real emergency survives a ten-minute pause while you check. A scam usually does not.

One thing 159 is not for. It connects you to your own bank, cannot be spoofed and will never call you; the call costs whatever your provider charges, often the national rate. It is the number for ‘is this really my bank?’, not ‘is this really my son?’

Its limits, and when to change it

A safe word is a filter, not a verdict. The right word means the caller is probably who they say, and you can ask the ordinary questions: what has happened, and why does it need money now? No word means you check by calling back; it does not by itself prove anything. The call-back is the protection; the word is what makes you pause long enough to make it.

It also only covers the people who know it. For a caller claiming to be your bank, the police or HMRC, hang up and call the organisation back on a number you found yourself, or 159 for your bank; our voice cloning guide and AI scams hub cover that side.

Change it if it may have leaked: you said it on a call you now doubt, it turned up in a message, someone outside the circle heard it. Pick a new one the same way.

Setting it up with an older parent

Stop! Think Fraud gives the same safe-phrase advice to anyone worried about a relative who might be vulnerable, and Ofcom adds: encourage them to check with you, or another trusted person, before sending money to anyone. In a survey of 3,010 UK adults for Starling Bank in August 2024, 46% said they had never heard of voice-cloning scams, so don’t assume they know.

Do it in person and keep it light: ‘Mum, there’s a scam where people ring pretending to be a grandchild in trouble, and the voices can sound real. Can we pick a word, just between us? If I ever ring in a panic, ask me for it. If anyone rings asking for money, ask them too. If they haven’t got it, put the phone down and ring me.’ Then choose it together, say it once, and put the Family Safe Word Card by their phone.

Tell them it is fine to hang up on anyone, including you. Then ring a week later and ask for the word, so the first time they use it isn’t the day it matters.

If a call got through

If money has gone or details were given, ring your bank first, on the number on your card or on 159. Then report it. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland that means Report Fraud, which replaced Action Fraud on 4 December 2025: online at reportfraud.police.uk or on 0300 123 2040 (Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm). Report Fraud is not an emergency service: if a crime is happening now, call 999. In Scotland, contact Police Scotland on 101, online or in person, and 999 in an emergency. In Northern Ireland there is one extra route, a PSNI ‘call for service’ on 101 (999 in an emergency) for urgent cases; our guide below lists when to use it.

Our what to do if you’ve been scammed guide covers the first hour and the reimbursement rules for bank transfers. Nobody fooled by a voice that sounded like their own child has anything to be ashamed of.